FEB 15TH 1962
‘ALL I KNOW IS THAT ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL WAKE UP SINGING AND NEVER LOOK BACK. MY VOICE WILL CARRY ME AND NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STOP ME FROM FLYING.”
I LED MYSELF TO BELIEVE THAT THERE WS SOMETHING GREATER OUT THERE FOR ME. I JUST HAD TO FIND IT YA KNOW. I HAD TO USE MY GOD GIVEN WISDOM AND FIND IT. BUT WHERE WOULD I START, WHO COULD I TRUST A, AND WHO COULD I TURN TO. I WAS 22 YEARS OLD AND ALONE IN THIS COLD WORLD TO FEND FOR MYSELF. MY MOM AND DAD WERE KILLED WHEN I WAS 10 AND MY AUNTY RAISED ME. AFTER BEING ACCUSED OF TRYIN TO SEDUCE HER HUSBAND I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE THAN TO LEAVE THT HOUSE AND TRY AND MAKE IT ON MY OWN. I FOUND COMFORT IN MEN SO I MOVED FROM MAN TO MAN AND HOME TO HOME. I WAS ABUSED AND MISTREATED LIED ON SO I CHEATED AND THAT WAS MY LIFE. HONSTLY I DON’T REGRET ANY OF IT! I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE IT IN THIS COLD WORLD BUT WHILE LEARNING TO FLY I WAS DYING IN THE INSIDE. I NEVER KNEW LOVE AND IT HURT LIKE HELL.
I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY, FEB 15TH 1962. THAT DATE STICKS OUT LIKE A LILLIE IN THE VALLEY BECAUSE THAT WAS THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE. IT WAS AROUND 8:00PM AND THE WOLRD JUST SEEMED TO BE SO QUIET. ITS LIKE IT WAS STANDING STILL WAITING FOR ME TO MAKE A MOVE. IT WAS ERIE THOUGH BECAUSE HARLEM WAS NEVER THAT SUTTLE. I WAS SITTING AT THE TABLE IN MOLLY’S KITCHEN THINKING OF MY NEXT MOVE. WHERE AM I GOING AFTER I LEAVE HERE? I HAD 45 DOLLARS TO MY NAME AND NOT A CLUE AS TO WHAT I WAS GONNA DO TO MAKE NEXT WEEK SUCCESSFUL. I THOUGHT ABOUT STEALING MOMMA MOLLLYS STASH BUT I REALIZED THAT SHE HAD DONE NOTHING BUT TAKE CARE OF ME. I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING TO SEE ONE OF MY MAN FRIENDS, HARLIE BUT REALIZED I HAD BURNED THOSE BRIDGES A LONG TIME AGO. I THOUGHT ABOUT SALLY AND HER FAMILY, MAYBE I COULD STAY THERE BUT I HAD THE FEAVER FOR MEN AND I DIDN’T WANT TO MISTAKINGLY SADUCE HER HUSBAND SO THAT WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION. MY ONLY OPTION WAS TO GO BACK TO STANLEY. HE WAS A FINE MAN THAT OWNED ONE OF THE CLUBS DOWNTOWN. DRESSED NICE, SMELLED GOOD,A ND THOUGHT I WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL,VELUPTOUS WOMEN IN THIS WORLD. I GUESS I COULD FINALLY TAKE MY CHANCES WITH HIM. I FINISHED MY CUP OF TEA AND YELLED TO THE CUBBARD TO TELL MISS MOLLY I WAS
LEAVING. SHE ASKED IF I WAS OCMING BACK AND I LIED.
I GOT TO THE CLUB AT AROUNG 1030PM THAT USUALLY WHEN THE PARTY GETS A JUMPIN. STANLEY WASN’T THERE YET SO I SAT AT A TABLE CLOSEST TO THE STAGE. I REMEMBER SITTING THERE SEEING MYSELF ON THAT STAGE TEARING THE PLACE UP. BUT I HADNT TOUCHED A MIC IN SOO LONG THAT IT SCARED ME TO EVEN BE HAVING THESE VISIONS. I SAW MYELF IN A RED GOWN TIGHT FITTED TO SHOW OFF MY THIGHS AND BREAST. STRING OF PEARLS FALLING IN THE CRESENT OF MY BOSSOM. I WAS GOUREGEOUS AND ALL THE WOMEN ENVIED ME. MY CONCENTRATION WAS BROKEN BY A SLIGHT TAP ON MY SHOULDER. IT WAS STANLEY OF COURSE AND HE LOOKED AS SMOOTH AS EVER. I WONDER WHY HE TURNED ME ON IN SUCH A WAY. I MEAN I COULD HAVE ANY MAN I WANTED AND STANLEY WAS FINE BUT HE WASN’T THE CATS MEOW.
THE NEXT MORNING I WOKE UP NEXT TO STANLEY WITH THIS FEELING IN MY STOMACH THAT I JUST COULDN’T SHAKE. IT FELT LIKE I WAS GONNA VOMIT, NO THAT WASN’T THE FEELING, IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE WAS TAKING AN ICE PICK TO MY INSIDES… SHARP PAINS TWISTING AND TURNING… SOMETHING WASN’T RIGHT. I RACHED OVER TO GRAB MY WATCH FROM THE NOTESTAND TO SEE THE TIME. IT WAS EXACTLY 9:24 AM.
I GOT UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BUT COULDN’T MAKE IT PAST THE BEDROOM DOOR. THE PAIN GOT SHARPER AS THE MINUTES PASSED AND THOSE WERE SOME LONG MINUTES. I HELD ON TO THE FRAME OF THE DOOR TO GET SOME TYPE OF BALANCE BUT THAT WASN’T ENOUGH FOR ME. I WAS A BIG WOMAN. INSTEAD I FELL AND HIT MY HEAD ON THE WOODEN TABLE WHERE OUR CLOTHES LAY. THE SOUND OF MY FALL WOKE STANLEY UP AND I WOKE UP TO A HOSPITAL BED. I SAW MYSELF LAYIN THERE HELPLESS, TUBES IN MY ARMS STANELY BY MY SIDE. I SAW THE EXPRESSIONS ON THE NURSES FACES AND THE DOCTOR WAS SYING SOMETHING TO STANLY BUT FOR SOME REASON I COULDN’T HEAR HIM. I GUESS I DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR HIM. STANELY LOOKED UP AND CRIED. I GUESS THE DOCTOR WAS TELLING HIM THAT I WASN’T GONNA MAKE IT. JUST TO THINK I WAS GETTING READY TO START A NEW LIFE. START PERFORMING AT STANLEYS CLUB, FEELING TRUE LOVE AND THIS DOC WAS SAYING THAT I WASN’T GONNA MAKE IT. NO WAY! MY LIFE COULDN’T END THIS WAY. THERE WAS NO WAY THAT I WAS DYIENG ON MY BIRTHDAY, THERE WAS NO WAY GOD WAS GONNA END MY LIFE THIS ABRUPTLY. I HADNT DONE ANYTHING YET EXCEPT DATE MEN AND GET MONEY. THAT WAS NOTHIN. I HADNT BECOME A SINGER YET! NO ONE HAD EVER HEARD ME BELT A TUNE… THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING.
I HEARD A FAMILIAR VOICE, REMINDED ME OF MY CHILDHOOD. “COME HERE CHILD, ITS TIME TO COME INSIDE.” I WAS AN OBEDIENT CHILD SO I LISTENED TO THAT VOICE.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT ONE OF THESE DAYS I WILL WAKE UP SINGING AND NEVER LOOK BACK. MY VOICE WILL CARRY ME AND NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STOP ME FROM FLYING.”
AND I FLEW…
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